Half Alive
by camera enthusiast
Summary: They've had the good times, and now the bad. Now seem them in the test of their relationship.  A little AU, not much, though
1. Trailer

**I Know I Can't Take One More Step Towards You...**

_They've had the good times..._

"So, yeah." Sonny said, hesistantly, risking a lot.

"Yeah, what?" Chad raised a blonde eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'll go out with you," she smiled.

**Cause All That's Waiting Is Regret..**

_And now the bad..._

Sonny swung the dressing room door open to surprise Chad on his birthday, when she dropped everything in her arms shocked at the view on the other side of the door.

Chad and Portlyn.. were making out.. shirtless... On his birthday. While Sonny just wanted to surprise him.

A tear fell from her eye.

"How long?" she heaved out. "How long!" she screamed.

"Sonny..." Chad started, quickly pulling his jeans on. "It's not what..."

"It's not what it looks like? It looked like you were cheating on me!" she screamed, turning the other way.

"Sonny... we were rehearsing and we.. got carried away. I'm sorry."

"Me too, Chad. I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I should've known you weren't going to change."

"Sonny..."

"No more second chances, Chad."

**Don't You Know I'm Not Your Ghost Anymore**

_Now see them in the test of thier relationship..._

Sonny wiped a tear, "Chad, I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" Chad ran a hand through his perfectly quaffed hair.

"Be your friend..." she sobbed heavily, "

"What? Sonny? Why?"

"Because.. I love you too much. Even after what you did. I can't believe I agreed to being friends..."

"Sonny.."

"I'm so sorry," she cried, running in the opposite direction.

**You Lost The Love I Loved The Most**

_She tries to distract herself... but it always comes back to the boy who stole her heart 2 years ago..._

"Hey, guys," Sonny plastered a fake smile over her face while entering the Prop House, "Guess what? You know that girl, Nora, down at the coffee shop?"

Grady nodded eagerly glad to have an excuse to speak about his new girlfriend, "Nora.." he sighed, with a loopy look on his face.

Sonny smiled a little, giggling with the others, "Anyways, she said I could sing another song at the shop!" she clapped giddily.

"Another song about Chad?" Tawni laughed insensitively.

"Tawni!" Nico whisper-hissed at the clueless blonde.

"Thanks a lot, Tawni," Sonny shook her head, and sauntered out the door.**  
**

**I Learned To Live Half Alive...**

_Will he ever understand how she feels before it's too late?_

"Who do you think you are, runnin' around leaving scars? Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart. You're going to catch a cold... from the ice inside your soul... Don't come back for me... who do you think.. you are?" Sonny sang, until she spotted Chad in the crowd.

His eyes widened as he pondered, "Why'd she stop singing? That was beautiful."

"Chad..." she whispered, just as everything they once shared flashed through her mind.

"Crap," the blonde teen whispered, trying to get to the stage before Sonny lost it.

Her eyes flooded with tears, "Just stop!" she yelled over and over into the mic, shaking her head furiously.

"Sonny!" Nora yelled to her new friend.

"Sonny," Chad said, finally reaching Sonny on stage, "Sonny, stop," he whispered, trying to hug her.

"Just leave me alone! Why won't you just leave me alone!" she screamed more, kicking the mic stand down and throwing her guitar onto the floor.

"Sonny," Chad began, feeling a lump rise in his throat. Had he done this to her? Is this what his mistakes caused? He was so obsessed with winning and being the center of attention that he was causing the love of his life to drown in her own regrets. Had she regret the time they met? The time they held hands? Their first date? First kiss?

Then it hit him. The song... was about him. And his old ways taking over him.

"Sonny, please," he begged, "calm down..."

This is why she couldn't be friends. It tore her apart.

**Now You Want Me Back One More Time...**

_Will she hit the edge before he can make it right again?_

"I'll do it. I swear to God, I'll do it," she yelled at Chad, grabbing the knife laying next to her chair inside her dressing room.

"Sonny!" he yelled trying to stop her.

"I'm not crazy. You don't believe me. Nobody does. I swear to God I'll stab myself."

"Sonny," Chad felt a tear race down his cheek and he felt embarassed.

"If I do this it'll kill me, right? If I took this knife and stabbed me in the heart it would kill me."

"You don't want to do that, Sonny."

She threw the knife to the left of her, and stared at Chad. Where had they gone wrong? Why was the make out session he had with Portlyn replaying in her mind? Haunting her? Making fun of her? The stares she got at red carpet events.. They were all whispering about her.

"Why'd you do it, Chad?" she cried, sliding down the bright blue walls.

"I don't know, Sonny," he teared up, walking towards her, sliding down the wall, sitting next to her.

"I just want... an answer," she breathed in and out heavily.

"I don't have answer," he sighed, regretful.

"I wish you did."

"I do too... But, Sonny... I know you don't care or believe me.. But I love you. With all of my heart. And what happened with Portlyn... it was a mistake. My biggest one.. I'm so sorry."

"I just want it the way it was before..."

"Me too," he smiled weakly, resting his arm around her. "Do you think we could go back? You know, to the way we were?"

Sonny smiled, turning to face him, "I doubt it, Chad... I need some help... I want to fix the mess I made."

"I understand, Sunshine," Chad said, pulling Sonny closer, "Where you going? Therapy?"

"I'm going to enter myself into a treatment center... I need help and I'm going to take responsibility for what I did and who I hurt..."

"Good luck," Chad whispered, kissing the top of Sonny's head.

**SEE IT ALL IN...**

_**HALF ALIVE**_


	2. Just The Beginning

**AU: Okay, well. I got a baaaad case of writer's block/: So, I'm not going to write the breakup scene. D: This IS an AU sorta. :P Everything BUT SonnyWithAChoice has happened. SWAChoice was... uhh. Idk. :P BUT. The reason they broke up in this story is 'cause Chad and Portlyn got "carried away" rehearsing lines and Sonny caught them in a nasty makeout sesh. D: Ewwie. :( PoorSonny. I'm so evil. /: I feel bad sometimes. ANYWAYS. Yeaah, check out the trailer, if you want that little "episode". OKAY. I'm done rambling. :) I own NUTTIN.**

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Sonny Munroe sat in her dressing room, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She'd been hating what looked back for weeks, ever since her and Chad Dylan Cooper had broken up in December. The cheating man whore.

She wiped a tear and faked the best smile and walked out of the room, towards the caf.

Nodding hellos at the ones she passed, Sonny ambled into the cafeteria where so many memories lay. She felt on the verge of more tears as she saw the reason for it. Chad. By the time she noticed him there, it was too late. He spotted her and began walking towards looking regretful and sorry.

"Sonny, can we-" he began before the brunette cut him off,

"Chad, I really can't talk. I'm on a tight schedule," she said quickly, making up a lame excuse.

"Sonny.. I love you."

Sonny's eyes widened as she was taken aback, "Chad, I'm sorry. I told you. No more second chances this time. You got Portlyn. Lost me," she said, pushing past him.

"Sonny.." he called after her, "I know. I was a real douche for what I did. I lost you as a great girlfriend. But... can we be friends?"

"Sure, yeah. I guess, whatever."

"Hey, guys!" Sonny grinned fakely, as she saw her costars in the legendary Prop House.

"Sonny," Tawni greeted, distracted while applying her Coco Moco Coco lipstick to her perfectly plump lips.

"Heyy there, Munroe," Grady smiled at his good friend.

"Hello S.M.," Nico winked at her, using his old nickname trick by using the person's initials.

"SONNY!" Zora yelled from somewhere inside the vent system.

The brunette teenager smiled at her friend's usual greetings and tried to keep the smile on long enough to fool them, "So, um, guys!" she exclaimed, nervously, "You know Nora from The Patio?" she questioned, remembering her first time there.. How protective Chad was about her feelings...

"Nora," Grady sighed, happy for an excuse to talk about his new girlfriend, "What about her?" he asked foolishly.

"She said I could come back and sing another song!" Sonny clapped giddily, "It's one I just wrote. It's called "Jar of Hearts"!"

"Another song about Cooper?" Tawni scoffed insensitively, all eyes glaring at her.

"Tawni!" Grady, Nico, and Zora whisper-hissed at the clueless blonde, who was too busy perfecting her lipstick to notice.

"Nice, Tawni. Real nice. Thanks a lot," Sonny rolled her eyes in dismay, turning out of the room, frustrated as ever.

"What I miss?" Tawni finally jumped in after Sonny was out of earshot.

"You're a real dumbass, Tawni," Zora coughed nonchalantly.

All the cast members, excluding Sonny, stared at the 13 year old in disbelief that she could have such a mouth. Zora shrugged, "She brings out my rebel side."

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**A/N; I hated this chapter/: It's really sloppy. I'm ashamed. Everything's kind of rushed. D: I'm so sorry for torturing you with this. Chpt2 will be MUCHMUCHMUCH better. Promise!:]**


	3. It's Not Okay

Sonny ran out of the Prop House after the insenstive comment from her "Friend". She felt the stale paper in her pocket. The page with the "Jar of Hearts" lyrics on it. She frowned, the past month had been horrible for her. She plastered a fake smile on everyday and pretended like nothing happened. Seeing Portlyn all over Chad hadn't made it any better. But something was off with Chad and Portlyn lately. Chad seemed distant as Portlyn tried to get closer, as if he were just brushing her off as nothing special.

Sonny stopped herself from thinking any further into the situation then she already was. "It's nothing," she whispered, rolling her eyes at how vulnerable she was right then.

"Munroe," she heard a snobby voice call from in front of her. She looked around at her surroundings realizing she was at the Mackenzie Falls part of the studio, without even realizing it. It was none other than Portlyn Holloway, the last thing Sonny wanted to see.

"What do you want, Portlyn?" Sonny asked, slumping her shoulders again. A little piece of her had wished it was Chad. Yes, the voice was too girly to be Chad's. But anything's possible.

"I heard you're working on a new song. About _my _boyfriend?" Portlyn scoffed, flipping a lock of her dark brown hair. "Puh-lease. He's with me now, Sonny. No silly little song will get him back, loser," the actress laughed.

"I don't want Chad back," Sonny stated simply, trying to avoid any drama whatsoever, "Chad and I are sort of friends now, I guess. He asked me earlier in the caf."

"Ha, seriously? Ever think he was joking, just to jerk your feelings around? Face it, Munroe. Chad doesn't want you. He wanted me, and he got me. You're pathetic," the horrible girl said with a straight face.

"He told me he loved me..." Sonny blinked back painful tears, she couldn't've let Portlyn see her like this. This is what she wanted to see.

"Excuse me?" Portlyn spat at Sonny, enjoying feeling better than someone. This is the satisfaction she craved every day. She loved making others feel smaller than her.

"Yeah..." Sonny whispered slowly, scared of Portlyn's response. "This morning in the caf.. I told him no second chances this time..."

"Unbelievable," Portlyn rolled her chocolate brown eyes at the terrified comedian. "Whatevs, he wants me. And just me. Probably just needed something to laugh at today," she smirked at her own hurtful words.

"Shut up, that's not how it was and you know it!" Sonny yelled, suddenly feeling bigger than Portlyn, feeling powerful, like she had authority over her.

"Oh, please, Sonny. If he REALLY loved you, do you think he would've gone after me?" Portlyn winked as she turned her back on Sonny, leaving Sonny the exact way she felt inside. Lonely, sad, and miserable.

Sonny felt the first salty tear race down her cheek, and as she wiped it away she felt more spill down without notice. She ran her rough hand into her neatly straightened black hair. Portlyn was right. If Chad had loved her as much as he said he did, they would've never been in this situation.

Suddenly, Sonny heard a distant cough, as she whirred her head around she spotted the blonde hair, blue eyed boy she'd fallen in love with so long ago. Those six months felt years away compared to then.

"Sonny? Are you crying? Oh God, what happened?" Chad questioned all at once. Sonny shook her head, feeling the tears fall and fall. "Sonny?" he whispered again, running to her side. As he rested his arm around her shoulders trying to comfort her, she shook him off.

"Leave me alone," she demanded, wiping the tears furiously. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's great, Chad."

"Seriously?" he said, smiling a little, not picking up on her sarcasm. He was oblivious. Of course he was, it had nothing to do with him so it didn't matter.

I shook my head in dismay, he never got anything. I inhaled and exhaled before responding, "Yeah, Chad. It's great. Life is good," she said with the fake smile she had perfected over the last month or so.

"That's great," he said, trailing off into his sentence. He geniunally thought she was fine, and that tore her up inside to know that he couldn't see through her fake smile after all this time.

"Yeah. So, uhh. You should go check on Portlyn..." she started, regretting her words immediately, "I just talked to her and she seemed pretty upset at something..." Sonny trailed off.

"Portlyn? Oh, yeah, right. I'm kind of breaking up with her today. I was on my way to do that now, but I ran into and saw you crying.. and kind of took a detour," the blonde teen laughed at his own lame joke.

"What? Why?" Sonny interrogated, a tid bit excited, but not enough to go through with taking Chad back.

"I can't... date somebody else, Sonny, and still be in love with you. It's not fair to the other person," he admitted, glancing away, scared of her reaction.

"I completely understand," she said, nodding her head, as his eyes widened in her understanding.

Sonny felt another tear spill from her eyes as she realized she and Chad would never be the same. He said was in love with her, but she didn't feel that reassurance she usually did. If he was in love with her... he wouldn't have chased Portlyn. "I've got to go. Bye."

"Sonny!" he called after her, as he realized how much he had screwed up. Sonny was great. She was willing to stay friends with him after he made the biggest mistake of his life. She was kind, forgiving, and understanding. What had he gotten himself into?

Sonny had made her way to her dressing room, alone, the way she always felt. She looked down the hallway, before locking both doors.

She rustled around in the drawer under her vanity mirror, until she saw what she was looking for. The razor blade.

She picked it up, feeling disappointed in herself for resulting to this, again. Sonny hadn't done this in so long, it felt like being a stranger in your own home. She got a firm grip on the razor blade and closed her eyes, silently praying for things to go better. Nothing had gone right since December. Tawni and her had been in more fights. She excluded herself from the Randoms. Everything with Chad. The others had made fun of her because she didn't eat in front of them. She never ate in front of anyone, lately. She felt fat. She felt ugly. She felt useless. So she excluded herself from most social interaction. She tried to make everything seem fine by posting on her twitter. But she wasn't happy.

She slowly slid the blade across her wrist. Ending anything that signalled "happiness" for her. She wasn't going to wear long sleeves to hide what she was feeling.

She just wanted someone to care. She wanted Chad to look her in the eye and say he loved her. And mean it. She just wanted everything like it used to be...

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**A/N; I liked this chapter ! (: I thought I did a pretty good job. :DD It's pretty descriptive and intense ! Read and Review, please !**


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